A while back, I wrote a post about imposter syndrome. I never thought that so many people would be able to relate to it. I expected a few people to understand what I was talking about. To my surprise, I received so many messages about other people’s experiences with this hideous feeling. So I thought I’d write a post on how I plan on leaving my imposter syndrome in the past (fingers crossed I actually follow through).
I’ve felt imposter syndrome for as long as I can remember. Signing up to hockey clubs after school and feeling like I didn’t belong there, even if I was on the team. Sitting in a Law class feeling like the ‘dumbest’ person there. Then later in life, entering the professional world. Attending team meetings, afraid to ask questions in the fear of looking silly or stupid. Or… feeling like, I wasn’t good enough to be in a job role — one that I worked my ass off to get. Soon, the syndrome made me think that the opportunities I received over the years were out of dumb luck. I never once credited my hard work or my talent. Why is that?
I truly believe that in order to change a certain habit / behaviour, you have to find the root cause of why you do it. Find out why you feel a certain way and then... nip it in the bud.
If you type ‘Imposter Syndrome’ into google, you’ll realise it’s more common than you think. That’s always the case, isn’t it? Our minds are so great at convincing us that we are the only ones who think or feel this way. We are magnificently talented at isolating ourselves. However, there comes a point when you start to get sick of it. Sick of feeling like you constantly undermine yourself. In the current generation we live in, it’s easy for us to take so many things away from ourselves... to never feel ‘enough’.
I blame comparison.
Although you might not realise it, comparison and imposter syndrome have a direct connection. For example, if you come from a similar background to mine, in your younger years you probably experienced being compared to others a lot. Someone’s son got into grammar school, this aunty’s daughter is a scholar, this uncle’s son is the captain of the rugby team… you know the drill. If growing up, you ever heard anything similar to that, it’s not random that you have imposter syndrome as an adult. There’s a correlation.
The comparisons you heard growing up, most likely made you feel like your best efforts weren't enough. It made you feel kind of worthless. You start to feel like you might never be as good as your peers. Hence, when you get presented with an opportunity, the imposter syndrome kicks in; and once the imposter syndrome starts, it’s very hard to stop.
The inaccurate belief of not feeling good enough, hinders us from our individual path of growth. Insecurities follow soon after and then the negative thoughts cloud our already confused minds. “Maybe I can’t apply to that job because I’m not good enough.” “I didn’t get this opportunity because of my hard work — I’m sure I was just the back up choice.” “Why does this person love me?” “I can never be as good as them”. If we don’t change these thoughts and behavioural patterns, we will never realise our full potential in life. These thoughts will always be there to remind us why we can’t. To stop us from being truly happy and successful.
Going forward, I choose to shut my mind up whenever I feel a single, negative thought creeping in. When I can just feeeeeeel the chaotic imposter syndrome creeping in to ruin my future plans. Now, I choose to remind myself that, I am here because I worked hard... and I deserve to be here.
But what’s the process?
1. Break up with comparison
To stop comparing, one must actually stop comparing. So if it means less screen time, limiting how much you’re on social media, re-thinking what pages you’re following — even who you’re following. Don’t let yourself have the chance to start any unnecessary comparisons.
2. Get writing
If you don’t like to vocalise your thoughts, just write them down. Get a piece of paper, or open word… honestly it doesn’t have to be a journal. Write down affirmations. Write down your plans. Write down what you think is stopping you from getting what you want. Just. Write. It’ll be like letting out steam.
3. Watch what you say about yourself
This is probably the most important one. Watch what you say about yourself. Don’t even let the words “I can’t” “I shouldn’t” “I won’t” “not good enough” leave your goddamn mouth. Don’t vocalise it. When you say something out aloud, there’s a good chance that you already believe it. But the act of saying it, will confirm the thought. So don’t use negative phrases like that.
4. Take baby steps
This is not one of those things that gets better overnight. It’ll take a very long time for you to change your mindset. To better yourself. However, don’t give up the minute something goes wrong. Give it time and let it work. You have to be patient with yourself and life.
5. Talk to yourself
I know this sounds odd. But the way I look at it is, if you can’t stop thinking. Talk to your thoughts like you’re having a conversation. I think this is effective when you feel demotivated or you can’t stop thinking about something. Talking to yourself can make you feel like you’re letting the thought out. It might even feel like you’re concluding a thought. I honestly talk to myself all the time. Not in some creepy way. It’s perfectly normal (under some circumstances). Just don’t do it on a bus full of people lol.
Imposter syndrome is common but just because it’s common, doesn’t mean you should let it become a way of life. It’s also something that you can eliminate from your life, if you try. Don’t let your negative thoughts control you. Look at those steps I mentioned, and try them out. The important thing with change is that you keep consistent.
Keep consistent with your efforts and watch imposter syndrome leave your life for good.
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