One thing I’ll never understand is why, in this day and age, people feel like it’s okay to slut shame women. Whether you’re a woman or a man, calling a woman a “slut” (a supposedly derogatory term) is never okay. Especially if you’re a woman calling another woman a “slut”. However, coming from men, it’s entirely hypocritical. Don’t you think?
Like many of you, I recently watched Bridgerton and oh man, I absolutely loved it. Whilst I may not be a movie/ TV critic, I can certainly say that I absolutely loved how they kept true to the Regency era. One of the many facets of the period being that, men could frivolously bed different women (out of wedlock). Whilst women (from respectable families), had to be chaperoned practically everywhere. Women were also not allowed to be alone with a man. If a woman was to meet a man alone, then she would be the subject of the most awful assumptions and rumours (thanks Lady Whistledown). She'd no longer be considered marriage material. She would probably be considered a “slut” for that time period.
Although that exact behaviour might not be alive in the 21st century (in the west anyway), some similarities are still present. In certain societies, there are still similar limitations for women. For example, it would be okay for a man (in said society), to sleep with women out of wedlock. Whereas for women (in the same society), it would be considered as the most offensive & unacceptable behaviour. Most likely, she’d probably be shunned by society / people would always talk about her behind her back.
In those same societies, it also wouldn’t be ludicrous for a man to be a "slut" and then demand to marry a woman, who is a virgin. This is still so prevalent, even in the most modern of societies. It actually hurts my head. I’ve seen and heard such requests before. Why is it okay for a man to demand that to begin with?
Hypothetically speaking, imagine if I was about to get married. And let’s say, I’m known for being a bit of “slut” and when it’s time for me to find a man, I say to my mom:
“I’m happy to get married but he has to be a virgin. I don’t like the idea of him being (sexually) with anyone else before me.”
Do you think that seems like a ridiculous ask? Isn’t it the most hypocritical of demands?
Why wouldn’t a man want to be with a woman who has slept with other people before? And does the man who demands this, expect that the woman be okay if he's slept with tons of people before? What if she’s not? Does she not get a say? Why doesn’t it work both ways?
If you’re a woman and you’re offended by the situation that I just described, then why is it okay for you to call another woman a "slut"? Being looked down on for doing exactly what men do? If you wouldn’t accept being called a "slut" yourself, then why call someone else one? Don’t you see the inequality in that?
If you look up the definition of a slut, it apparently means, “a woman who has sexual relationships with a lot of men without any emotional involvement.”
Well. I’m pretty sure a lot of people have sexual relations with a lot of other people, without any emotional involvement. Does that mean that we’re all sluts? It especially offends me when women call other women “sluts”. You’re basically saying to the world that, men can do what they want and women can’t. I’m not going to sit here on my high horse and say that I haven’t called another woman a “slut” before. I have. Mostly in school, when I didn’t understand how much inequality the word carried. If a girl was to “get with” loads of guys at the school disco, I would've say that she was a “slut”. It would completely change the way that I treated and looked at her. Why though? Did it make her unlikeable, just because she did what she wanted? Absolutely not. Whereas if a boy was to two time some girls, I would've never have thought of him as a "slut". He would've been called a “player”. By other boys of course. Back then, no boy would ever look down on another boy for being a bit of a player. It would almost be celebrated.
So why associate the word “slut” with a particular gender?
I think the word itself should be eradicated completely. Why can’t people date or sleep with as many people as they want? Do you expect people to “have sexual relationships” with just one person and then stick to them for the rest of their lives?
Whilst the majority of people are open minded to the idea that both sexes can live freely without judgement. I guess this is a reminder to the people that still like to slut shame women for doing what they want.
I still correct people whenever I hear them call a woman a "slut". It’s usually followed by a lengthy explanation as to why we need to leave behind such name calling behaviours in the past.
If we, as a society, do not start with the little things; then how do we ever expect to make changes with the big things? We can applaud all we want about the big changes we’re making with equality these days. But if we turn a blind eye to things such as slut shaming, then we should know that the progress we’re making isn’t really based on firm foundations of progressive change.
In that case, the big changes we’re making… might as well all be for show.
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